Afraid of being alone? Does it make you feel lonely, sad, depressed? Does it trigger you to start feeling unworthy or bad about yourself? This video is on how to start enjoying alone time.
I love being alone. I can be in my house, do some work, read a book, meditate… or just do nothing and feel myself. I can enjoy that. With these tips I hope you will too:
Enjoy your own energy
This means to just feel yourself, and appreciate yourself. You can practice this also when you’re with other people. You don’t need to think you’re perfect, but can you manage to feel being happy to live this life with yourself? It’s a feeling of being satisfied with just being you. This awareness might come to in between two activities where you relax into your own being. Enjoy your own presence without needing anything more.
Try it out for yourself. Just sit for some minutes without doing anything, just enjoy your own presence.
Obstacles to enjoying your self
Some examples of obstacles you might encounter are: thinking of yourself as an egoist, or hating yourself for not living up to your own standards. If you can pinpoint down your own specific obstacles, you can start to work with them.
You can definitely work with whatever psychological problem you find within yourself. It just takes some creativity.
Say you think you’re a failure, and that makes you unable to approve of yourself and so when you’re alone you are confrontated with how much you dislike yourself for “being a failure”. Here it might be very helpful to discover what standards you’re measuring yourself by, and ask yourself if that’s reasonable. Odds are they’re not.
A helpful trick with almost any psychological problem you find in yourself is ask yourself: “What’s the opposite of this?”
So if you think of yourself as a failure, then the opposite would be thinking of yourself as a success. Ask yourself “what am I already successful at?”. Maybe you usually treat others nicely. Maybe you do your job well. Maybe you are great at taking care of your dog. Start looking for proof of the opposite and you’ll find that yes, you are a success.
And why do you need to live up to any standards anyway? Why don’t you deserve unconditional self-love? Start practicing that.
If you have any trouble with forgiving yourself, try this writing exercise to practice self-forgiveness.
Healing happens when alone
If you just surround yourself with people so that you don’t come across these painful parts in yourself, you’re basically cleaning your house by sweeping the dust under the carpet. Not very effective, might still in the end damage your lungs, and you’ll be stuck with this same carpet for the rest of your life.
The only way to become truly free is to start working with these issues instead of ignore them. And a great way to do that is to actually put yourself in situations where you are alone so that these issues do come up. Healing starts with seeing and acknowledging.
The most important factor is your willingness to face your issues.
Remember that becoming aware of a problem might look like things are getting worse. “Suddenly you have this big problem! And all this pain!” But no, it’s not really getting worse, you’re just seeing a problem that was already there. So… great! Because to solve a problem, you first need to observe the problem.
And then use your creativity to work with your specific issues.
If you don’t have inspiration for the how-to, you can always just google it. There are probably so many others with similar issues as you have, and so there very well might be people like me or other coaches / spiritual teachers / authors who have talked or written about your topic. You can also seek out a therapist, coach, or even ask me to make a post on the topic.
But I would say you have the intelligence and creativity to do your own self-enquiry and heal yourself!
Find solo activities you enjoy
This is part 2. Beware not to numb yourself with activities. You can easily keep going and doing and going and doing without ever finding that depth in yourself that only comes from introspection and the willingness to really feel yourself and sit with yourself and all that is inside of you.
That having said, the healing process of your issue(s) might take some time. Days, weeks, or years even. And you don’t need to expect yourself to go on some massive non-stop healing marathon. It’s okay to do some fun things now and then.
Take up a new hobby. Learn about a topic. Enroll in a course. Visit some new nature places. Play an instrument. Whatever you like.
Finding solo activities you enjoy will give you a lot more security when you have previously been afraid of spending time alone.
I hope this helped! If you have any questions for me, I would love to know. You can ask here on the Ask Arial page.