This post is meant for you if you are in the specific situation of being jealous because of your partner being interested in someone else than you.
The most important tip I can give you for this situation is to see that this reality is really the way reality should be. Yes, I’ll explain that some more. And I’ll give you some more short tips on how to go forward with learning about overcoming jealousy in general, at the end of the post.
Reality is the way it should be
So your partner is interested in someone else. Maybe they are with another person right now.
So apparently at this particular moment, they are a better match for each other than you are with your partner. Oh how difficult to accept that can be, but in the end, acceptance really is the way to go about this.
Do you really love your partner? Then don’t you wish the best for them? Don’t you wish for them to follow their desires and be happy? And doesn’t that include spending time and intimacy with someone else then you if that’s what is making them happy or grow and learn?
And even when you think your partner shouldn’t be with this person because they aren’t a good match, it’s up to them to find that out. So let it be.
All you need to do when your partner is with someone else, relax and accept that whatever is the best will happen anyway. If they are not a good match, your partner will be back soon. And if they are a good match, then they’re supposed to also be together.
Accepting the current reality
Now, why can this acceptance be so hard to find and feel? Because you might be holding on to a wished-for reality that’s simply not there. Check in with yourself, is the following true for you?
You want your partner to like you the most. And when that third person showed up, you just kept hoping that you would be better than them and be chosen to be with. And maybe you don’t just want to be the best partner, you might also want to be the only one.
It’s a good idea to ask yourself if that’s really the case? Or if there is a lack of love inside you that makes you feel this way? And actually, you are happy with the open way of relating.
You can get stuck in that for a while. And you need to open your eyes to the reality that’s there and say: “Okay, I might be not the only one, and I might not be the best match for my partner at this moment.” But there is still enough for me to be in this relationship and if not I’ll make my peace with that.
Dealing with pain
Oeefff. And if that’s making you feel painful, just feel that pain. You don’t need to try to avoid it because there is no possibility of you changing the way your partner and this other person feel about each other. (Actually, maybe with some good manipulation techniques there might be, but that won’t feel good in your heart, so I wouldn’t suggest trying!)
The change of orientation is to not hold on anymore to a wished-for reality that’s simply not here, but instead open yourself up to reality as it is, feel the grief of having to let go of that wished-for reality, and then find constructive ways to deal with your current reality.
And that might just be practicing self-love, practicing to count your blessings and see what good the situation actually does bring, practicing being happy for your partner, or practicing abundance thinking in regard to relationships.
So in short: Overcoming jealousy in polyamorous relationships starts with the acceptance that reality is as it should be when the best-matching partners can spend time with each other. If that leaves you out of the equation and that’s making you feel unhappy, you can start out with accepting and feeling those emotions, and then working with them for your own personal development and relationship happiness in general.
Some more tips for further learning:
- You might like to check out my post called ‘How to be Alone without getting Depressed’ at www.inevitablebliss.com/how-to-be-alone-without-getting-depressed/
- You might like to check out the free lesson I offer on Cultivating Self-Love at www.inevitablebliss.com/course/fulfilling-relationships-i/lessons/2-cultivate-self-love/
- You might like to check out my course “Turning Jealousy into Gold”: www.inevitablebliss.com/course/turning-jealousy-into-gold/
- You might like to check out the lesson on Fostering an Abundance Mindset in relationships that’s part of my course Fulfilling Relationships – Become Skilled. At: www.inevitablebliss.com/course/fulfilling-relationships-i/