Stream of Consciousness = a flow of uncensored thoughts
Writing your own Stream of Consciousness is quite simple. Just start writing (I prefer typing as it goes faster and I want to keep up with my thoughts) and keep writing every thought you have down.
Make sure to not censor anything. You also don’t have to direct it. It’s just meant for you to open up your gate and feel the freedom of writing everything you think down without any need to judge or hold back.
That’s how you invite creativity!
You might like to set a timer for 20 minutes. Enjoy the meditation!
Why I'm sharing mine with you
The value I hope to give you by sharing my own Stream of Consciousness here is not only as an example for you to start the writing exercise for yourself, but also to show you an intimate look inside the mind of another human being.
It might show you that we’re all a little bit crazy and a little bit geniuses. It might bring you relief in the form of recognition, and it might bring you inspiration in the form of wonderful thoughts you have never heard before.
It might also bring you laughter because sometimes my mind is just a ridiculous, funny mess!
Typing in English. So that I can post it on the website. It feels weird to know that it’s going to be on the website. I mean, sure, just like when I was making the Stream of Consciousness blog. That one ended quickly though. Too many conflicts. I can’t just go and type about my sex life, or about other’s people’s sex lives or disputable behavior, even though they did give me permission to write whatever about them using unreal names. [some short distraction from people walking around in the work-space] Hmmm. Another try today. [some more distraction from those people talking about the work times]/. I’m looking forward to lunch with Jaleel. Indian food. Jumm. Jaleel. Jumm 🙂 Too much stress though, we have to eat so quickly. I would rather take a longer lunch break. And also have a shorter workday. 4 Hours seems enough to me unless I want to work more, which is often the case, but now I’m here, working the same hours as Jaleel, and it doesn’t make sense to me to HAVE TO be in this office (I mean, co-working space) from 9 to 6. Or even 9 to 7. It’s not supportive of my creative process. It’s just like jogging for X amount of minutes instead of whatever you feel like. It makes for a drudgery feel. And an I-have-to-go-through-this feeling. Even though there is a LOTS to do. [lots of to-dos enter my mind simultaneously, spend some time thinking about how I don’t know how to spell that word] should use Grammarly before posting. Can’t even spell Grammarly correctly I guess. [Which makes me think about a certain person’s behavior about which I better not write]. Where were we? Trying to organize my thoughts. Lol. What a … doomed venture that is! ‘Where were we?’ No way. I don’t even want to go back to where the train of thought had stopped, it’s not as if I was thinking about something great. Al my to-do’s. Yep. I feel so exposed writing my stream of consciousness and posting it on the internet. I even feel like I should have ‘higher thoughts’, more interesting thoughts, if I make videos about personal development and spiritual teachings and stuff, then shouldn’t I have ‘better’ thoughts than these? Fraud-stuff all the way. But it’s not like that. I just share my best ideas in those videos. Which makes sense. Who am I serving by making videos on everything I’m thinking? No one. Except for in this stream of consciousness, of course, the people who like to know that we’re all normal having a chaotic mind and having all sorts of stuff inside like insecurity, inspiration, stress, … etc. Uhhh. Lost where I was. I try to not read back. I try to just go forward. I feel that would be a more honest stream of consciousness. It makes me think about when I have smoked weed and I lose track of my thoughts ALL the time. What a generalization. Definitely not all the time. But quite often so, and it bothers me. It makes me think I’m not good enough or something. More like.. Incapable. Incapable of being intellectually well-formed. Losing track of my own thoughts, forgetting what I was talking about just a minute or ten seconds ago, ‘equals’ being [First I wrote down ‘dumb’, it made me think of American movies and Texas-like countryside people, and of the song ‘Everything Is’, then realizing I wasn’t sure whether this was the correct word to use for what I was trying to say, I erased it and replaced with:] stupid. Yep, I said it. [My eye falls on my external hard disk and I think because of the colors it looks like a submarine. Definitely not really, but .. yeah, I do think of it as my submarine]. Life is so weird! Shit what the fuck. All these associations the mind makes. And all the peculiar situation we end up living in life. Like right now, I’m in Bangalore, and it’s so random I’m here. And this co-working space is all funny, someone wearing white gloves brings me tea. Makes me feel weird. [Memory of me saying ‘thank you’ for the tea. Thought about someone from the staff knowing my website address and being able to read this, but I guess this is okay to write.] Not used to this kind of an environment. Am I excusing myself or justifying myself? It’s just that… I can make my own tea. I don’t want to bother someone else by having to do that for me. Or I feel unfair. There’s this whole I’m-white(-and-rich, although not really rich)-thing to it. [me thinking whether this still makes sense to people when they read it] I don’t want to be unfairly privileged. Although really thankful for the opportunity to live and travel from my student loan for two years while setting up a company. I get kind of tired and grumpy of myself thinking a lot about how other people will perceive reading this. I was actually more looking for a catharsis of all my chaotic thought-energy. Putting it on paper, I hoped, would make my mind more clear. There have been so many little tasks. And so overwhelmingly much to do still. Not sure where I should start or what to do next. What’s priority? What’s urgent? What’s most important? What helps other people the most? What helps me the most? [I kind of unconsciously scroll up and down the text I just wrote.] So this is not working. Oh well. At least I wrote something. I’m fortunate to have work in which I can spend time journaling, or watch videos from spiritual teachers, or meditate. Following my joy, brings me to a life in which there is more space for those things I enjoy. But do I really enjoy? Oh yes, at times, and enough to go forward. And hopefully increasingly so. [Distracted by some beeping sound I have been hearing for some hours now, grrrr noticing some annoyance coming up about it.] My work problem is that I want all the to-do’s to be finished NOW. And that’s of course not going to happen. So I have to go through it, which is okay, but I’m doing it with an energy of rush rather than enjoyment. [asked personnel to stop the beeping noise.] Funny, I’m onto something, realizing I really want to stop rushing, and that exactly the moment to finally do something about that noise. Huh, not sure actually whether that’s a good thing or bad thing. But let’s stay with the thought. How to decrease that rush energy. I recently learned the word ‘Harried’. I guess that suits my situation. But I am harrying myself. No one does it to me. I do it onto me. Can I stop it too? I guess the stress is that my InevitableBliss project is not perfect yet. And that it’s not generating income yet. Two big things. And all my ideas are not yet manifested. I can’t stand that. If there’s a course in my mind, I want it to be on the website NOW. Unpatient… uh. Impatient. [change sitting position, yawning.] I have to get good at this. I have to get better at this. Bluhhh I don’t like that thought. But I want to. I want to be an awesome guide/coach/teacher person for people.
And I will get better. Is it good enough already? At least enough for me to have finished making some first courses, and to have put about a 100 videos on Youtube already. So I seem to believe in myself enough to do that. But I don’t really feel like I believe in myself. But maybe I can do it, become a really good guide/coach/teacher for others, but maybe it just takes 10 years. I always want everything fast. But I learn more and more, from hitting this thing we call reality, that in most cases things go slow. We don’t learn to walk in one day either. Give myself some time. I’ll study some more. Meditate some more. Make some more courses and videos and meditations. See what works for people. Refine my content and methods. Refine myself. How could I teach joy if I’m not super full of joy? I guess I’m in general more joyful than the average other person. And according to many, that’s enough to teach. You just have to be ahead. But how would I feel if my high school biology teacher was just one chapter ahead of us? Not great! And of course… well... Whatever. I can’t make an analogy like that. Let’s try it out: I give myself enough time to do what I want to do and to become who I want to become. I appreciate myself as I am right now. I keep learning and progress toward my goals step by step. I can enjoy each step as I give it my full attention and love. I love the process of life. [I wonder about how real this sounds, and how the reader could know whether I’m actually feeling and really meaning this. I do feel some genuine inspiration, and type on:] How else could a journey be joyful than for it to at least in the first place BE an actual journey? My life wouldn’t be a journey if I would already be at the end goal now. So I don’t actually want everything I desire to be here already right now. I want the journey toward it. And during the journey, I will enjoy the happiness of anticipation. And I will mindfully enjoy the steps I’m making. Errrr it’s stressful thought to not have an income. [A feeling of self-compassion, because I believe it’s valid to feel this way] (Actually, why am I stressed? I already have a fine backup plan if I don’t in the coming half year). It’s almost as if I WANT to stress about it. It’s been going on for a long time, this ‘lack of money’-thing. It makes me think that I’ll never work it out, as I have been disappointed so many times in the past (I'll do this and make a great income! … fail. Fail. Fail.) And it also makes me think that it will just take more time than I thought. The failing was all just part of the journey. I’m in for the long run. And of course, I will get there. Urghhh okay let’s give this a try, I might be able to make a different decision about how to feel: I’m not worried about money because I have a backup plan. And I do believe I can easily create an income, it just takes the time it takes. I’m now free of worry about money. I feel abundant in the now. (I really kind of do by the way 😛 ). For I am sitting at a wonderful wooden desk, typing on a wonderfully functioning and pretty laptop, having time to invest my efforts in work that I feel is meaningful and that I feel is what I want to be doing at this time of my life. Yes. And I do have enough money right now to pay for my hotel, for my food, for the workspace, … for whatever I need to progress toward my goals and enjoy my life. [yawning]. I want more sleeping time. [Thinking about the time it takes to commute and find lodging and the long office hours of my boyfriend in which I’m going along since my workspace is next to his office. My eyes fall on my open notebook with to-do items] Time to get some more stuff done. I wish I could do it with an energy of ease and mindfulness and enjoyment and celebration of the now. I wish I could be relaxed, trusting that there will be enough money to go around, and trusting that I will build my project as time goes by. Blughhh but I keep having this feeling that I’m pretty much already too late. I should have finished this and this and this earlier. I even feel like I’m getting old already. [someone comes to ask me if I want tea, I ask for ginger tea]. 23. And sometimes I feel like I haven’t accomplished much [some thoughts of what I do have accomplished enter my mind, like finishing my bachelor’s degree in something I loved to study, giving workshops, developing myself] and I should have accomplished more. [I think about how I, compared to others, don’t waste much time on useless things like watching television series or meaningless work] 23 and not so successful. I keep molesting myself. Molesting seems such a big word, but it’s what came up in me. Molesting myself. Telling myself I’m not good enough, I should have achieved more, should have been better, should have… Sigh. I want to be kind to myself. I’ll just let it go. I don’t have to molest myself further by telling myself I’m wrong for ‘molesting myself’. It’s just that I do notice I could be more appreciative and nice to myself. [I’m thinking that this SoC is getting too long for readers, but I want to keep going because I want to figure myself out]. I want to solve myself out. [I’m thinking of a friend who wrote a whole book in SoC style, and I wonder how he goes about things like distractions and moments when there are more thoughts than you can write down at once]. What is the time? Is it lunchtime yet? No. One more hour. Maybe let’s get that multiple blogs things up. Okay.
OKayyyyyy I just need to think about pressure right now. I - well, I feel like I need to do everything perfectly. Like: my language has to be 100% positive. I need to learn all the letter and FN keys in the dark. I need to socialize with the people. I need to not lose my mind. I need to work. I need to make an article out of this. But to be honest it’s alllll inspiration. It’s just that I’m a bit obsessed with doing it all right and wanting it all to have manifested right now. But it hasn’t. And I feel this fear because of scarcity. It’s as if there are two voices in my mind, one of fear, one of inspiration. And often a thing comes with them both. Inspiration is followed by fears like 'I can’t do it, I will have some scarcity when I don’t succeed'. And fears are also followed by inspiration. Like I feel fear that there’s not enough money, then I get the inspiration to
Now I feel sadness. It’s a very slow and deep and heavy vibration. It's very unpresent with what is. I’m sad about certain thoughts I have, but the only thing that’s really here is a heaviness on my chest and in my throat, and it’s kinda heart to feel into it, I tend to flee into my mind. Instead, if I focus on these body feelings, my breath goes to where I’m focussing on, and I start to breathe space into it.
I download thoughts of what I learned, shame, and tiredness. Is the shame that makes me tired? I can’t focus well anymore. And I’m presented with different choices, not knowing what to do, which one to take next, I’m trying to follow all paths. And maybe I am. Maybe there’s a parallel universe right now in which I am writing about overcoming shame by being okay with yourself and what is and whatever will be. Maybe there’s another dimension (parallel universe) in which I’m writing about how too much choice can make you unfocused. Or how being unfocused makes you see so many choices. Because think about it: if you’re focused, you’re not open to other choices because that would be a distraction.
I think I will start putting this SoC on the internet again. On - I should put it with an introduction as well. That would be good. I feel right now as if my thoughts go quicker than I can write down, and that makes me feel pressured again. I don’t dare to post this on Inevitable Bliss because I’m representing myself there in a certain way that hopefully makes people trust me to give them good information, but I feel like an imposter. - imposter syndrome - I don’t want to put any label on myself, but at least I can say that I think I’m an imposter. I have very high standards as to what a spiritual teacher should be like, and I’m not it. I’m not enlightened, (I think, but I don’t know what it feels like, so how do I know for sure that I’m not? I’m not sure. But I do think that if you are, you’re sure about it. So I think I’m not. Would be such a -
I totally lost my thoughts. There was a next thought in which I was thinking about something that I didn’t want to write down. I can remember the idea, but not the exact words that came to me. It had to do something with clitoral orgasm. Ah yes, just that… that was also something I had been experiencing already for quite some time, but people had spoken so highly of it, that when it happened to me for the first time, I thought it wasn’t it because it didn’t feel AS good as I had expected. Only finding out so much later: ooohhh so probably this IS the orgasm. And then I could enjoy it more as well because I was not expecting something after that. Anyway, I didn’t want to write that down on my website, but that’s the whole point of the SoC, that I can give people a really honest look into my mind. So even thoughts about clitoral orgasms when they come up, and also the process of me not wanting to put it on my website, then kind of repressing it, then remembering it again, and writing it all down. Yes, here it is. I like the music that’s here.
I’m now kind of writing with you in mind. I know this is going to be read, I don’t know yet by who, I don’t know who you are. But you’re in the back of my mind during many thoughts that I have. My SoC becomes quite different when I write for just myself or knowing that others will read it. And I’m not sure if I’m happy with that. I think I’m not happy with it. I’m not happy with it because I want to give the really honest view, or the real me. Oh yes, and I don’t think it’s the best me when I’m - maybe I’m repressing things right now, like not letting certain things come up, because I know people might read it. And it makes me feel a contraction in my stomach. And then I want to breathe and slow down. And not write anymore. And then I start feeling tired, but I don’t want to. Because I think I need to work. I need to work because otherwise, I won’t have money in the future to live off. And then I feel bad about having negative thoughts. And I want to say that I trust there will be enough time to create an income, that I can trust. Trust the process, trust God to provide for me, for the moments that I work as well as for the moments in which I’m just sleeping or writing SoC only for myself. Or for others, or fucking that up and not posting anything of what I’m writing. Or deciding to actually keep it to myself. I wish I could switch the awareness off of you going to read this. I wish I could just switch it off. I just want to write. I would also like to switch off all the sounds here, the loud music, the people talking, the buzzing noise of some electrical machine, the road. I like this song. I don’t like being sleeping. Why am I sleepy? It’s only half past 7. They are German, the other people here. My mind is more scattered now, just loose thoughts. Weird how… no, the music is not nice. It’s … no just not my kind of music. I think I have to explain to you what I’m thinking, and why I’m thinking it. They're rolling another joint. Would I want more? Maybe better not. But I feel very tempted. Is it an addiction? What even is that? I feel often embarrassed and proud of myself at the same time. Who am I thinking to be that people would care about reading my every thought? Don’t I have to make a selection and let them read only the best ones? Well, that’s what I’m actually doing with the rest of my website. And SoC is just the opposite: every thought. And it serves a different purpose. Wow, that really makes sense. I feel so proud and not good enough at the same time. It’s my battle on the moment, I can conquer self-worth and confidence. It’s my chance for amazingness. Other people here just relax, they’re lying in their hammocks, not talking, one is on his phone, one is looking at the ceiling, one is I don’t know, the other one is smoking, no just a (peuk, cannot come up with the English word) maybe, I don’t know. This music I really don’t like it. I have control freak inside me that wants my every thought to be positive. And it’s inspiration: let’s have only positive thoughts, and fear at the same time: I should not have any negative thoughts. Why not? Why should I not have any negative thoughts? Even Louise Hay says she has some negative thoughts, 15% she said I think, of what she thinks. To me, that seems like a disappointment actually, I thought she would only be thinking positive. That’s as if … I don’t know, maybe as if - no I cannot finish that thought. Like a dead end. I want to go back, or just let go here. Ha ha wow, he stood up and I hope he was doing that to give me the joint, but he was not And then I feel shame about appearing addicted to the audience that reads this. And I feel same about using the word audience because that sounds so.. As I’m making a cool performance, or as if I don’t regard you as - Shit this music. I don’t like it. The guy with the curls started meditation. I like meditating too when I’m high. Only not so much with people around who might want to talk to me or just interact with me in any way. I can meditate in public transport though. Because then it’s all strangers. I don’t want to be thinking about this, I notice my way of typing is a bit stressed. But honestly, I think it’s the music. It’s just a very weird feeling of the vibration that that music is sending out, and I don’t want to be in the same vibe, and so I’m resisting a part of my reality and it feels very contracted. So self-observative to notice this, but I’m not so happy with it. It does give me inspiration too though: to just let go and write along with the music. But I don’t want that because it seems this music that’s about sex and love in very… -
So this is how it’s all working out. Interesting. This is how I learn to wrap my mind around all kinds of opening ideas.